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         IN FAVOUR of FOOLS

         These Foolish Things: Book I

 

 

A PI/SCI-FI/Comedy/Thriller introducing Philip Humphrey Chandler

as the socially inept hero who likes beer, coffee and breasts - but

not necessarily in that order.

 

Phil is private investigator; he's got a computer and a comfy chair, and

he knows how to use them. 

He doesn't get all sweaty chasing the bad guys; not when his fingers

can do the work as he sips his coffee and looks forward to a nice cool

pint. He doesn't wrestle them to the ground, with a quick quip and a

steely gaze; not when he can sit in his comfy chair and dream about the girl behind the bar; the one with the breasts. 

Then he meets the ex-wife of a missing crime lord, and everything changes. Suddenly he's squirting to distant planets, finding dead bodies, dancing with aliens, saving a world from the clutches of the cutest of

aliens and, for one brief moment, he becomes the richest man in the universe. 

In a tale of treachery, danger, poor customer service and bad jokes, Phil

is forced to put aside his relaxed 'let someone else do the work' attitude, and take up arms against the might of an alien empire (well, it's a

crowbar actually, and the alien is a little girl; a very tough little girl) and somehow find a way to save the day, and Earth's most valuable commodity, and maybe even his dignity. 

But where does this story really start? 

Of course, for Phil, it’s when he first meets the ex-wife of the missing

crime-lord; it’s typical of him to think it all started with him. For Ben, it would be the misplaced bullet; for Millie, it was, of course, the Joke, and for Sam; well your guess is as good as mine. 

In reality, it started much earlier; nine years earlier, with the robbery... 

 

 

    "A genre-mixing, laugh-out-loud romp" - Amazon 5* Review

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  WHAT KIND OF FOOL?

  These Foolish Things: Book II

 

 

 

 

Phil is back, and now he's squirt-capable!

 

In Book II of this Science Fiction Comedy Thriller Series, Phil and the gang are back, and so is Millie. This time, she means to make Phil pay for his role in preventing her becoming the richest little alien in the Universe, and she will put the balance of the Universe at risk to achieve her aims.

 

In a tale where Phil becomes Spiderman, Sam becomes Phil, and Julie becomes a convict, Millie sets her dastardly plans in motion.

 

Can Phil really survive hanging by his fingertips above a seething river of magma?

Can he save his sister from 15 years imprisonment in 'Gotcha'?

Is Mandy really going to get physically intimate with him? Or is it just another interrogation technique?

Will Sam actually put aside his tin hat, face-paint and ice-packs?

Will he really go to work for the Lord and Order AI?

Why would anyone think they could kidnap Phil's mother and survive the experience?

How does Millie end up giving away puppies?

What is the sound of Willow on flesh?

What are those Giants doing, sitting there with their floaty clothes and poor grooming?

 

All these questions, and many more, will be answered within the pages of the second book in the These Foolish Things SF Comedy Thriller series.

 

And you can be sure that breasts will pop up when least expected in this unusual First Contact narrative.

 

'Hope to see you again, Phil!,

A great follow-up to Book One! Sadly there is no Book 3 yet, but one can always hope! '  Amazon 5* review 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

    

 

 

    

 

 

 

 

 

    Nobody Puts a Fool in a Corner

     These Foolish Things: Book III 

 

 

                  AT LAST THE HERO!

In the final book of the These Foolish Things Trilogy, Phil and the gang are back, and maybe this time he’ll be a real hero. 

Earth is under threat from an AI that has gone suddenly all Orwellian, and from a race of genocidal mushrooms who have a real problem with the number of legs we have. 

Somehow Phil, with his onboard AI and his new super-ripped muscles has to save the world from this double threat, and see that Mille gets the justice she so richly deserves. 

With a cameo appearance from Strange, and a deranged appearance from Mrs. Masters (Ex), the final book in this science fiction comedy series takes Phil further from his comfy chair than he has ever been. 

If he should succeed, against all the odds, then perhaps, when he stands erect and heroic above his fallen enemies, there may even be a chance of an exotic love interest. 

Follow Phil as he takes on light-sabre wielding robots and squishy aliens; as he attempts to bend an alien court to his will, despite not understanding a single sqawk they say. 

Will Phil emerge as the hero he always wanted to be? 

Will gorgeous women flock to him with love in their eyes and lust in their hearts? 

Will he be found hiding in a dark corner with his eyes closed and his fingers in his ears, waiting for the world to go away and leave him alone? 

With a bonus ‘Origins’ short story, and an excerpt from the Narrative Facilitator’s Pixie epic. 

Don't miss this last chance to laugh with Phil. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                            

          WORSE THAN SENSELESS THINGS

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THE HRU-ARGH ARE COMING; AND THEY'RE NOT VERY NICE!

Once he was a hero to millions; now he's just a thief. 

When Dan Robinson steals the space ship and travels to Tau Ceti E to pass it on to his boss, everything seems to be going smoothly. 

Then the Hru-argh attack begins, and suddenly smooth is hardly the right word. 

Dan ends up on the surface of the hot heavy planet, many kilometers from any human settlement, without the food, water or oxygen to reach safety. And he has to put up with Helen, even though he’s sure that she is only using him, and there's something about a knife, and diamonds, that he really doesn't want to know about. 

Together, they find evidence of alien life, and set off in search of what maybe their only hope for survival, and man’s first contact with an alien intelligence, unless you count a devastating attack from space by the Hru-argh as first contact. 

Meanwhile, many light years from Tau Ceti E, an enormous, dragon-like creature named Heldon is doing to her best to save the Galaxy from attack from Outside, and she really doesn't want another extended war involving the belligerent and malodorous Hru-argh, so she sends Jashna to deal with their attack on Tau Ceti E. With his usual light touch, Jashna destroys the whole of the Hru-argh force, but he is not in time to save the Human settlements. 

Anyone who knows the Hru-argh will hardly be surprised that their reaction to the destruction of their ships is to bring together the largest force of fighting ships in the history of the Galaxy, determined to annihilate the few remaining survivors on Tau Ceti E and then seek out and conquer the home system of the Humans. 

Jashna has been sent off to deal with the threat from Outside the Galaxy, so it is left to a diminutive blue hominid going by the name of Stave to prevent a long term, extended and bloody war. He’s strange, and more than little creepy, but he has the motivation to get the job done; no matter what the cost to the parties involved. 

In a Science Fiction thriller, told with more than a hint of humor, we find out what happens to Jashna in his intergalactic quest, how Stave achieves his ends, and how Dan finds something not only to live for, but to die for.